Lets think back to just a few short months ago, I was hugely pregnant and so so ready to meet my little boy! I believe it was a Saturday that my contractions started, sometime in the afternoon, and I was stoked, things were finally happening. Of course I waited till the evening to tell my husband I thought I was having them because I wanted to make sure it was really happening. It was steadily getting worse but nothing unbearable, I walked around the house and bounced on my yoga ball, a lot! I ended up “sleeping” most of the night, trying to rest because I knew it was going to get worse and I was going to need my energy, and after baby was born I might not get to sleep for a long time (I know you mammas feel me)!
Sunday morning I was really starting to hurt and my contractions were coming closer and closer together, I had called my doctor the day before and she told me to come in when they were a few minutes apart. Well, they were definitely coming between 3-5 min apart and the pain was lets say very uncomfortable :), I had my bags packed weeks earlier and we were ready to head to the hospital. I had packed some cliff bars, changes of clothes, socks, and some newborn clothes, I decided on the way that I also needed an egg McGuffin( I literally never eat McDonalds, so you can tell I’m not thinking straight). We arrive to the hospital go and check in and get our room, and than they check me.. I’m only a measly 3 cm apparently ( it did not feel measly to me), they asked me if I’d like to go home and labor there some more or stay at the hospital for a bit and see if I progress into active labor! I’m thinking active labor, THIS isn’t active labor!? Being first time parents and just a little nervous about the whole birth process we decided to stay put, so I walked the hallways with hubby and every time a contraction hit I would lean on him and sway till it passed!
They checked me around an hour later and I was still at 3 cm, I was so sad about this, I was hurting more and felt like my body was doing all this work and yet I was still not considered in active labor! My parents had come to the hospital too, to help encourage and be there with us ( thank you mom and dad!), I’ll never forget when my husband had to run and get something to eat and my father took his place of being what I held onto during my contraction( thank you so much dad, it meant a lot!). Somewhere during Sunday I finally reached 5 cm, and at this point I wanted to cry from the pain and from how depressing it was to keep hearing that I hadn’t progressed.
From the moment I had found out that I was pregnant I had said I didn’t want any medicine, no epidurals and definitely not a C-section. However after hours stuck at 5 cm with no progression and the pain continually increasing, I made the decision with my husband that I needed some help with the pain, so they set up my epidural. I will say I so appreciated that my nurses never pressured me to do anything that I didn’t want to, it really felt like they were there to help me have the birth experience I wanted. Ah, the epidural the feeling of the pain leaving, such a wonderful feeling! The only thing I did not enjoy about the epidural was I couldn’t walk anymore and the feeling of lifeless legs is just very weird feeling.
Like I said I was stuck at 5 cm for a long time, they ended up breaking my water and giving me some medicine to try and help speed it along somewhat. I eventually reached 8 cm that evening, and stayed at 8 cm the entire night! They had also put me on oxygen because baby wasn’t getting quite enough and his heart kept increasing more than they liked. By Monday morning I was more than exhausted having had only some restless sleep( trying to breathe with an oxygen mask actually feels like you are suffocating), and the nurse said I was barely at 9 cm. In an hourish she checked me again and said I was close to 10 but not quite there so she decided to help it along she was going to have me push some.
Now, I have heard that the pushing can feel like relief. I don’t know who out there thinks that pushing feels like relief, but I am here to set the records straight, it is the most terrible, painful, unimaginable, and every other bad word out there kind of awful! I am not one who swears, but man if I didn’t want to cuss everyone out of the world when I was pushing! Our nurse Madge grabbed a leg and said to Brad “husband grab a leg” (birth is not like the movies, everything is exposed and you really don’t care you hurt so much) she than instructed me to let her know when I felt a contraction coming on and than to take a deep breath and hold it, while I pushed and she did this hour long countdown!! She would do this at least three time each contraction and try and get a fourth out of me, I thought I was going to die from not being able to breath! I basically never seemed to breath correctly and it was making oh so angry and I so so so wanted to slap someone! (pushing basically feels like you are trying to push the whole earth out of your bottom) Madge points out pretty quickly in the contractions that she could see the head and shows Brad, this gave me some much neededkk energy and excitement that we must be close!
We were not.. I pushed for around 2 or so hours with no progress. The doctor was here now and she had a worried look on her face and I was feeling so faint, and losing all my will to push and lets be frank to live. The pain is so vivid and so consuming, I wanted very badly to just ask Brad to let me go, because for sure I wasn’t going to live through this. I was told that my eyes started rolling back in my head and I was screaming a lot, Brad kept trying to comfort me and tell me how beautiful and strong I was and that I could do it! I just wanted to punch him every time he told me that, poor guy, he was wonderful and a trooper and I was losing my mind! We reached a point where I had nothing left to give and baby was in slight distress and the decision was made to perform a C-section.
They gave me more drugs which was such sweet relief to be out of that pain, and they wheeled me into the brightest room ever. I remember laying on the table basically naked with men and women milling around, and thinking I don’t care at all, I’m just so happy I don’t hurt anymore. Brad was able to put scrubs on and come in and hold my hand, and I was able to stay awake for the whole thing. Everything was happening so quickly now, and than I heard him, my baby cry for the first time! I’m tearing up writing this right now, just thinking of all the emotion, the huge love, as I heard my beautiful boy! They took him to a table near me ( I could see him) and they cleaned him up in a couple of minutes and then gave him to Brad who brought him instantly to me and laid him on my chest while they sewed me back up. I will never ever forget that moment of holding my son, it is indescribable amount of joy, love, and amazement at how perfect he was! I held him for a bit but than started shaking so much from the medication that Brad took him out to do skin to skin with him until my surgery was finished.
Once I was all sewed back up they brought me back to the room where my baby boy, my husband, and my parents were waiting! They instantly gave him to me and it didn’t take long for him to latch on and have his first little meal, the nurses were all very impressed with his nursing skills. Kai was a perfect 9lbs 7ozs and 21 3/4 in long, he was a big boy and a very easy going happy baby. I struggled some after this with feeling that I was a failure because I wasn’t able to give birth to him naturally, and I think it took around a month for me to get to the point where I recognized that what mattered was I was healthy and he was healthy, not how it happened. (for all you mammas that maybe struggled with that, it’s ok to need extra help) I think that basically sums up my birth story and I am happy to say that exactly 3 months later I was ready for another baby hahaha! Thanks for reading!