self image

I think I have always struggled somewhat with my self image (don’t we all), I would have days were I thought and felt that I looked very pretty, and than there would be the days of ugg how do people look at me. Now that I have had a child and well, I have matured somewhat in life, I still have those days of self image struggles, but they have changed somewhat.

1. ONE DAY I will look in the mirror and think hmm, not too bad a little bigger than I would like but I can still dig me. A closer look will reveal that I still like my eyes and mouth and I happen to be having a good hair day, even though that neck fat can go. I will get dressed and think wow I look really cute in my outfit today, and than I will make the mistake of asking my husband to take a photo of me.. I’ll look at the photo and think he just not good at snapping photos, but what I will really see is that I’ve gained weight, and my eyes look squinty, and my hair isn’t really that great. So, I’ll put the photo away and move on with my day.
2. IT’S THE MIDDLE of the night and baby boy is fussing for a midnight snack, so I’ll go get him to nurse him. In these moments I look down at him and yes, I still feel my unwanted rolls, but I see my satisfied, peaceful, happy baby and I know that my body is amazing! It is absolutely everything he needs in that moment, and when I come in to get him in the morning, his whole body lights up with a smile and joy that his mamma has come to get him. He doesn’t see my imperfections and loves me with his whole baby heart! At these times, I am in awe of what my body has done and can still do, I carried him safely for 9 months and my arms are strong to carry him wherever we may go.
3. I WILL THINK about the future with my son and the moments that he will want me to play tag, go for a hike, and any other kind of adventure. For these reasons I look at myself and say get it together eat healthier, be stronger, this isn’t just about you anymore. Be an example of a healthy life, you know what you need to do, so do it. Now mind you, I’m not huge, I walk a lot and I can take a light hike, but if someone suggested lets hike up a mountain, I know it would be a struggle, and go for a run forget it! I want to be a mom that can keep up with her kid in whatever they do, so I know that means slimming down a tad.
4. I LOVE FASHION, and there is a small shallow part of me that just wants to be slim, so I can wear those jeans, that dress, and just pull off a lot more styles. It’s hard shopping when you have a little more weight on you, the cute stuff is always in a smaller size, and I tell myself if I would just lose a little I could wear it.
5. I ALSO THINK about how today everyone is saying just love yourself how you are; curvy, slim, whatever the shape. While I get that and I do think that is good to find the beauty in ourselves. At the end of the day this philosophy is not really a healthy one. There is such a thing as too skinny or too big, the goal I think should be to be our best healthy! Put good things into our bodies, that nourish us from the inside out, not just fill a craving, and take that harder hike and sweat it out. I have to tell myself this every day, because I love junk food, I do( don’t we all really), I’m trying so hard to choose things to eat that will fill me up but also make me feel better, and to push myself a littler harder every time I exercise! At the end of the day I am trying to make better choices, because I want to be my healthiest best self for not just me, but my family!